Stand-up Comedy after the Great Shift

I was a boy. All I needed to do was go out with aftershave on. Then I could conquer the world. Now, with an eye contour, waterproof mascara, lip gloss, and volumizing hairspray, I'm ready to dump the trash.

I only experienced the heat during the summer. Now, thanks to my approaching menopause, I feel like a Flamethrower Pokémon. Now, with these hot flashes, I could cook a steak on my chest in five seconds — no joke!

In my twenties, eating a four-cheese pizza and drinking an ice-cold beer at midnight wasn't a problem. Now I risk getting an upset stomach just looking at a plate of French fries. That's why I always carry a bottle of Pepto Bismol in my bag.

The truth is that, in my twenties, my body was like an amusement park. Now, it's a museum. With signs: “Caution: Do not touch. Sensitive area. Risk of inflammation."

 

Twin Sister by Chance

I needed money to pay for college, so I started looking for a part-time job. Since I am good with children, I was looking for a job as a babysitter. Unfortunately, no one was willing to hire a male babysitter but the solution came to me thanks to finding the Medallion of Zulo. I took a blouse from my girlfriend, and thanks to that, I became Pauline, the most popular babysitter in the neighborhood on weekends.

My girlfriend found out everything, but she was supportive. She also wants me to spend time with her like a real twin sister. The only thing I do not understand is that she wants 20% of my earnings as the right to use her body.