I was a boy. All I needed to do was go out with aftershave on. Then I could conquer the world. Now, with an eye contour, waterproof mascara, lip gloss, and volumizing hairspray, I'm ready to dump the trash.
I only experienced the heat during the summer. Now, thanks to my approaching menopause, I feel like a Flamethrower Pokémon. Now, with these hot flashes, I could cook a steak on my chest in five seconds — no joke!
In my twenties, eating a four-cheese pizza and drinking an ice-cold beer at midnight wasn't a problem. Now I risk getting an upset stomach just looking at a plate of French fries. That's why I always carry a bottle of Pepto Bismol in my bag.
The truth is that, in my twenties, my body was like an amusement park. Now, it's a museum. With signs: “Caution: Do not touch. Sensitive area. Risk of inflammation."
Sounds like some women I know!
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